I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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