Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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