my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
