??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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