Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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