Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
