dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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