WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
