he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
