I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
