After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im about as happy as oj after his trial
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
