I accidentally burped into my bong.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
