no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
