i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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