My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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