Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
