Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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