take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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