no, he came in my armpit
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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