You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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