Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
