you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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