you would pick up someone in the library
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
