I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Vodka?
Forever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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