he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
