i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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