I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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