after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
