I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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