What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
