I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
