I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
