Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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