Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is wine microwaveable?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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