As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
