I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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