well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
