i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
