You can't special order awesome
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
