she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
