your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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