My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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