We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do vagina's smell?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
