I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
