You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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