ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
two words...techno handjob
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
