Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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