i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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