How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
