I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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