You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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