Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
