Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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